COVID hair — don’t care.

That’s been my thinking lately. And I’m not alone in my thinking: I’ve seen an interesting array of hair color combinations, most with about 3 inches of gray at the roots.

So I bought a vast assortment of hats — cowboy, magician, deerstalker. No, but I did buy a lot of baseball caps, gardening hats and the like. I had to be careful, though, because I was in a hurry one time and grabbed a visor. Well, you know, that doesn’t help the situation at all.

Zooming meetings, appointments and my St. George’s church services got a bit tiresome, so I tried to look on the bright side of things. “Hey! They’ll never know I’m in my sweats if I just throw a pashmina over my PJs and wear my beautiful Audrey Hepburn-style wide-brimmed black hat.” Cool — way cool, as a matter of fact.

At first, masks were very annoying to me. I wear hearing aids, and they seemed to like to go along for the ride when I took my mask off. One flung itself somewhere in the interior of my car one time. And worse yet, one seemed to want to jump to its very demise in the parking lot.

When a rude driver cut me off recently, I did my usual thing and mouthed very clearly at him, “You ****in’ idiot!” (Oh, I mean I said, ‘You gosh-darned idiot!”)  But then I realized it was all in vain because I had forgotten to take my mask off when I left Smart & Final. I was so frustrated because I wasn’t able to communicate my joy in almost ending up in his trunk.

However — bright side again — masks are great in hiding a multitude of sins. They cover my jowls (a gift from my mother) and my double chin (a gift from Ben & Jerry). Trying every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream probably contributed to my extra chin. However, it was well worth broadening my horizons, as well as my waistline.

Another bright side. During the pandemic, taking a shower seemed to lose its importance. I mean, really, who’s going to notice if you miss a shower or 3 or 6, when we’re all wearing masks?

My main regret is that I used pandemic time to sort through and donate boxes of my clothes to the Salvation Army. Only problem now is that I have a ton of sweats, and very little else. Oy vey! Yikes! And ay caramba!

Diane Duray is a Laguna Woods Village resident. Contact her at dduray47@gmail.com.

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